Short story contest winner – Christina
Ten year old Christina is again in a fight with a boy. He is winning hands down but then an unabated kick from Christina between the legs ends the fight instantly. She decides to go back home but not before making her daily stop to the mall, to stare at the little Guitar with a $25 price tag. Upon reaching home she peeps into her Brother James’s room. He was not in, but his personal diary was. She picks it up and opens the bookmarked page when James whacks her from behind with his walking stick. Christina throws the book and runs away.
Later, when Christina’s mother was not present, Christina sneaks into her mother’s bedroom. She opens the closet and takes out $25 from her mother’s purse and runs to the mall. She returns a little later with a big bag, which she hides in the bushes and sneaks into the house, without anyone noticing that she was gone.
BEEP-beep, BEEP-beep, Christina’s alarm goes off around midnight. She springs out and immediately switches it off. She goes into James’s room and wakes him up. Startled he immediately reaches for his walking stick and takes a swing at Christina, She catches the stick, pulls it away from him, and whacks him on the head and says “don’t ever do that again”, James is taken aback and also a little scared. She says, “follow me now and don’t make any noise, otherwise I’ll whack you again”. Both of them slip out of James’s bedroom window, Christina fetches the big bag from the bushes. She takes his hand and carefully guides him through the thorny bushes and the long grass until they land up behind the house on the far end. Nervously James asks “what are we doing here”?? She gives him the “keep quiet or I’ll whack you again look”. Christina takes out a water bottle and a comb from the big bag and washes her brother’s face, and combs his hair, while James just stands there with a bemused look.
Next Christina grabs the big bag and takes out a shirt with some plastic pieces on it and a wire with a switch attached to it. She hands the shirt to James and gestures him to don it. Though befuddled but scared of being whacked again, James quietly obliges. Then she takes out a box out of the big bag and asks him to hold it. She takes out a stick from the big bag and crouches on the ground. Seeing James hesitate, Christina says “quick now, we don’t have much time” unwillingly James mounts on her shoulders. Christina gets up and rushes to the window of the house. James’s head could just about reach the high window. She knocks on the window with the stick. James’s classmate Susanne opens the window completely bewildered. Christina presses the switch and “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” starts glittering in bright lights on James’s shirt. Susanne looks baffled but before Susanne could react, Christina says “oh it’s just us, James just wanted to wish you happy birthday”, James himself pleasantly shocked; with a big stupid smile on his face gives the neatly wrapped gift to Susanne. Susanne accepts the gift, smiles and thanks him with a small peck on his cheek.
My name is Piyush Kalia, I’ am 26 years old, I’ am currently doing my Masters from Erasmus University Rotterdam, Writing stories, songs and make music are my hobbies.
Click here to read a runner-up story – Destiny
All the time I thought the Christina is going to get back on James for being such a pain, but the end is a nice twist. Christina, the gal with a golden heart. Good going Piyush
Great story piyush…
Gestures like this give meaning to life…
hard nut outside and a gentle soul inside… i like!
good stuff piyush
Amazing story, I can really relate to it…the initial tom boy fight sequence is very well worded…look forward to reading more of your works
Completely agree with Aman and Priyanka…so much in just 500 words is amazing….awesome work Piyush..
well done, really well constructed story Piyush!
Maybe i can request you to lend me some words to appreciate this work….heart warming writing…really like your writing style…
So agree with Melinda….cute heart warming story….
Best character of the story is Christina, hard headed but yet so tenderly sensitive!!
Brother, good one to start with let the point be sharp with more stories, keep writing
Great story!!
nice
Good work, could have been better
You deserve more space than 500 words. Would like to see you win this contest.
Best wishes
Shishir
Good effort in character building since its such a short story and it can be difficult to establish that. You also managed to get a twist ending, which always makes a story more impressive. Good work!
This stry is one of my prsnl fvt in the cnst!
Well said Rucha. Well defined charcter
Hey,
Great story dude. Super I really enjoyed ur work.Keep writing like this.I appreciate ur work. We want more such kind of stories.
Regards
Bhuvanesh.
Really nice story. keep on writing.
Good work!! do we have a long story writing contest too?
The story is great and i particularly like the way you describe the last scene for the point where the alarm goes off!! Will look forward to your future works too.
Keep the good work on.
The way you describe “the kick between the legs” without creating obscenity is an indicant of a good writer. Also the idea of glow T-shirt is innovative. Overall, good job!
Great story
Great story, excellent mesh of a child’s innocence and maturity of an adult.
I wasn’t expecting much out of this contest, but it is quiet impressive. Really like your story. Would like to see more of your work Piyush.
Great story, good writing skills and very well described
Excellent story!!
Wonderful stry
Excellence exhibited
Excellent work brother!!
This is the winning entry
The plausible touch of reality is the best thing about the story
Absolutely marvellous!
Very nice story. Be good at heart
Brilliance unveiled
Love the story. Wish you luck for winning this competition.
Very good story
Very deep for a short story
Great story, keep writing and posting on this website
Very good piece of work. Full credit to the author.
Mature and yet innocent. Great writing skills.
Great story…emotional ending
Beautiful story, love the beginning, the tomboy character depiction.
Awesome job bro, i bet if we had greater word limit your would have made it still better.
Well, this might be the weirdest response, even though i really like your story, but the best thing is the pic you have posted along.
Really nice and original writing style. Christina, as a character, is very well potrayed.
This is my story
Love it
Really nice characterization and theme
Good stories get votes
Very touching story
Kept me involved till the end. Brilliant end too
I really like your writing style. The story is a good depiction of child’s innocence
The $25 catch did take me by surprise
really enjoyed your writing style
Marvellous, kept me glued till the end
Really enjoyed it. The beginning is very nicely worded. Good wishes
500 words of beauty…keep it up!
Great theme and story line
Full 10/10 for this story
Great story
Bro, forget your Masters, get onto writing full time. Great story.
I know my comment would just be one more in your “sea” of appreciating comments, but never the less, heres my penny to the dollar. Really loved the story. Christina as a caracter is very well potrayed and she seemed like a complete hard headed person till i got to the end.
Amazin story, everything was great
A lot in so few words. Great work.
lovely story..I surely would love to hear your music and song compositions too
Very good story. If you ever write a book, do let me know
I went through most of the stories in the competition, but I really like this one.
Brilliant story
Brilliant piece of creation.
I think you could have described james better, but guess it was due to the word limit that got you. Still a great job of 500 words.
Really great story
Superb!
Great story. The next time when you are in India, i’ll send my kids to you in the night when you can give them some nice granny stories. Great job bro, keep writing
Chak de fatte!! Super sixer!!
one of the best story i ve read.
Refreshing!! This story has made me a fan of shortstorybook.net
You have managed to create suspense, emotion and not to forget, a great character in just 500 something words. Really good work
Absolutely involving, loved it
Impressive writing and content
Excellent story!!
When I was browsing through the stories, the starting caught my attention, the Tom-boy line. Read till the end and found it a very good read. Wish you luck to win this competition.
Good Luck
Vikram
awesome is all i can say
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This story gets,
The best in you!!
As good as it gets!!
A really nice story.
Will look forward to your future works…
Very nice story. Liked everything about it.
Excellent job Piyush. With warm greeting and best wishes from China-Xin
Amazing story!
Excellent
I could feel the story unravel before me
Great work, keep writing
Very nice story. I hope James will improve his behaviour from that point on
Brilliant work
Lovely story. Everything is so perfectly fitting and even the photo has the feel for the story..
Awesome story. I know you can do still better
Great work
Wow!
I am unable to vote, so am leaving a comment: 10/10
Brilliant creation and good flow of story
The $25 guitar does mark the tipping point.
Very well written story!! keep writing
very nice story. Keep going!!
You are going to win this competition..excellent job and keep writing
truly amazing!!
A very good and an innocent concept.
Great story Piyush!
Liked the two twists. At first it looked like she craved the guitar, then I thought she wanted it for her brother… it was a gift for her brother eventually.
Very involving story
James could have been described better, but i guess it was the story length issue. But still great job, keep it going.
Dear, Pyush.
A touching story, but it would sell better when written in past perfect instead of the present tense, as most all publishers shy away from this style. Also, if you want to bring the reader closer to your characters, try writing in third person. (Narrative distance)
This advice, from one beginner writer to another is free.
Try the – edittorrent dot com slash blogsite – for more free advice.
Tot ziens en veel geluk,
William.
Excellent story.Keep it up.
Great story to start a day.
Exceptionally brilliant work. Completely admire Christina.
A very nice story, firstly for the theme and secondly for the emotions involved. You have manage to maintain the innocence of a young child and yet managed to show so much maturity. Great work.
Really touching story
In the lead…keep moving!!
Very interesting and emotional story.
Very good piece of literature
The tom-boy christina is such a lovely character. Thumbs up for this story and the writer..
Really like this story. Keep writing
Very involving story.
Great story bro! happy independence day..may India be blessed with a billion authors like you..
Impressive
nice, very nice work
Very interesting story.
Really wonderful story
I liked everything in the story, but i like the characterization of Christina the most
impressive
Mindblowing, simple and strong
I really like the way you have described Christina.
light, humorous and pleasing..a perfect combination.
very intresting and light read
Two words: Pure gold!
Very well written story bhaiya! keep it up!
Piyush, really like your writing style and the theme. Its innocent but yet so stern and put a point across. Keep going and i’ll look forward to your further works.
Awesome!!
Heartwarming story. Really liked the Christina character.
Good going. look forward to your further works
Christina is such a sweetheart!
Wonderful story
Keep writing bro!!
Really like the beginning.
Very nice attempt
Just saw your fb post and got on to vote. Awesome stuff!!
I very much like your theme
145 positive comments, bet you have written awesomeness!!
Excellent!!
Very good story
Go..Go..Gooo!! you can win this contest..
Maximum votes, most viewed, maximum rating!! therez got to be something really right in this story…and i can see exactly what is right
Keep it up!!
A very deep story. Took me 3 reads to start understanding the hidden message. A true masterpiece
Amazing!!
Very good story
Great story
Too good for a short story
Great story
A really nice short story. I liked the dazzled look on suzanne’s face
Very good story
Good going!
Simple and emotional.
Kept me engaged and interested till the end. Small but meaningful incidences like this can define how a boy grows to be a man! great work!
A very simple story, but yet so touching.
Come on James dude, grow up!!
Really awesome idea and characterization
go Christina go!! you have full support!!
A complete winner. This story deserves the glam it is heading for.
I like the theme of the story
This story is amongst the best short stories I have come across lately. It is simple and realistic with no hypothetical and supernatural ideas. Something so plausible palpable that you can touch it.
bro, keep moving…you are doing great in the competition!!
Like everything!! superb!!
Good concept, could improve on the writing style. Over all, thumbs up
brilliant!!
Very good story. Emotion and pragmatism well put together..
Very good story
Good going…just a few more votes and you are the winner!!
Really wonderful introduction
Brilliant work
Very good
too good…
Very nice story. The last day of the competition and you have the maximum votes. Great going.