Jealousy – short contest story
Melissa knew she had to get out of there and quickly, but her feet wouldn’t
move. It was as if her whole body had frozen fixing her to that very spot.
The emergency light was flickering overhead and cast a subtle light in the
otherwise dark corridor. She could hear him. His breathing was heavy and carried
along the corridor to where she stood.
The police would be there soon and then it would all be over. No more jealousy,
no more stalking, nothing. She would be free.
She’d never wanted it to end this way but she was prepared to do what ever it
took to stop him from hurting her again. She’d loved him so much and yet it
hadn’t been enough for him.
Something fell to the ground and the noise echoed in the silence. He was moving.
Melissa held the gun tightly. Time was running out. She’d need to make her move
soon or it would be too late.
You can do this. You’re strong, she told herself and taking a deep breathe crept
slowly down the corridor until she was by the door to the office.
She knew every detail in that small office and there were only two places he
could hide. She stopped and listened carefully. Silence.
She moved towards the filing cabinet holding the gun ready in her hand but a
ruffling sound from under the desk changed her direction.
This is it, she thought.
“Don’t do this Melissa” he begged.
“Sorry Mike but it’s the only way” she said coldly and pulled the trigger.
She stood watching the blood trickle down his chest. All those hours of practice
at the shooting range had paid off. She’d shot him in the heart.
She gave him a gentle kick and then checked his pulse just to make sure. The
deed was done. She was free.
She left the office and walked back up the corridor towards the lift. Stopping
briefly to flick the switch on the wall that returned normal lighting to the
floor, she stepped over Samantha’s body and entered the lift.
Melissa gazed down. Samantha’s face was pale grey now and had frozen with the
look of surprise it had had as she’d pulled the trigger the first time. The deep
red blood running from her head matted into the girls long blond hair and made a
pool on the floor around her body.
That’ll teach them. He should never have left me. I made him happier than she
ever could; she thought and smiled to herself as the lift doors closed.
Jo Linsdell: A freelance writer living in Rome, Italy. She writes articles for websites, newspapers and magazines and recently updated the Weissmann Guide to Rome for Northstar Travel Media. Her books “Italian for Tourists” and “A guide to weddings in Italy” along with her various e-books that are now available.
I m sure now everyone knows what heaven looks like by reading this contest story.
Bad boys always get caught. Good story, Jo. Keep up the great work.
Cheryl
Good twist. I thought it was she who was being stalked!
Great job, Jo.
Jan
..could have had many endings. Victim turned into killer. Great idea
Nice twist.Thought she was victim at first.
I want to know more about Melissa. What is she going to do next?
Jo – This story has great potential. It effectively surprises the reader. You may be limited in this contest to word count – but it needs a bit of fleshing out to become more real. Not more information, but slower pacing – you need to walk us more fully through each moment. A few awkward moments, e.g. – “The emergency light… cast a subtle light….” I’ll be glad to critique more fully if you like, but it has the makings of a very good story.
Arthur
A double revenge in cold blood! Good job, Jo.
Bonnie
Ooo, love it. Great one Jo, I know this is all about short story’s, but you’ve captured my interest now, I want to read the novel please!
Lucy
Wow, powerful stuff. Good work!
Good story. There was a twist in there I did not expect when you mentioned the girl that was killed.
Good build up and ‘nice’ surprise element!
There was a nice twist, Jo. You managed to hook the reader.
Claudia
I’d bet this is a pretty common fantasy! Great work, Jo.
That’s one cold-blooded woman! You had me. I initially thought she was being stalked, that she was the prey, but it turned out to be quite different.
And what about the bad girls getting caught as well! Suppose jealously can make a lot of extra business for the undertakers. Nice scary story Jo – should do to playing around what Jaws did for swimmers.
LOL! I love it! Vengeance, to the point. Best three minutes I have spent all day. Fun, quick read. I even tweeted it.
Very quick read and an intense story that kept my attention until the end!!
What an interesting twist! Loved your story.
More please.
Nicely done, Jo, with a great twist at the end.
good job!!!
Very interesting. Good twist. The end leaves you feeling a little unsettled, though, in the sense that the story almost aligns abuse with ammorality. Not sure this is so. But, though provoking in a very small package..
nicely written Jo….interesting ending
Hi, Jo,
Wow! I’ll bet nobody who reads this messes with you!
Thanks for a fun, exciting read!
I’m not quite sure how to vote here. Hmmm…
Okay…I think I managed to vote now.
Great story!
Great story, Jo!
Great start…love the twist..now just want to read the rest!
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