Things lost – short contest story
I studied the world outside the frosted glass, hoping it would distract me from the wrapped present in my hands. The refrigerator hummed, the logs in the fireplace crackled as the heat deemed too much on the chunks of wood, and the rush of holiday traffic buzzed by in a hurried frenzy. Even with all that went on around me, the absolute stillness within the walls of my once home pierced my ears and rattled me to the core.
Don’t go there.
I brought my attention back to the present. I couldn’t imagine how someone got in to my house, but for some reason, I wasn’t concerned. I shrugged it off, imagining that it must’ve come from a co-worker or a friend from the past, trying to restore a breath of life back into me.
I glanced around the room and managed to crack a smile. It must’ve been strange to whoever left it, seeing my tree up – lighted and decorated. It was the only thing I still did at Christmas, a tradition too deep-seated to discontinue, no matter how difficult it was. It brought the smallest amount of joy back to me before reality would strike, giving me the stark realization that those memories, would never be lived out again.
The slender crimson bow slipped off the package. My fingers slid under the gold tinseled wrapping paper, removing the rectangular box. I hesitated and then lifted the lid. The tissue paper crinkled as I removed it, revealing what was inside.
My heart stopped.
My eyes darted around the room; sure that someone was in my house playing a cruel joke on me. I lifted the black beaded bracelet out which looked like an identical replica of the one Ian got me on our wedding day. I opened up the silver prayer box charm, only to discover the tiny slip of paper we wrote our names on before the ceremony. It was our handwriting.
It couldn’t be.
It was lost at the scene of the accident.
I went back and searched for it.
It wasn’t there.
I peered back into the box to find a piece of paper folded at the bottom. My hands trembled as I opened it. Gasping, I threw the paper and bracelet down, sobbing into my hands.
The memory.
The note.
The understanding.
It all hit me with the same force of the white F-150. The crushing feeling squeezed the air from my lungs as I relived the accident.
The headlights, too bright, coming straight toward us. My precious Camden screaming from the back where he was strapped into his car seat. Ian’s arm extending out across my chest to brace me from the impact.
The sound of only one heart beat surviving the accident.
I picked up the note again. It was Ian’s handwriting.
We miss you and we love you. We can’t wait until the day we meet again.
Love,
Your Boys.
***
Tiffany Neal is a wife, mother to three girls, Language Arts teacher, and aspiring author.
Daddy’s girl – Here you can read short contest story.
Wow….very emotional short story! Really struck home since I have 2 boys myself. Impressive style and candence.
Way to go Tiffany!
Wow! You captured so much emotion in such a small amount of time, I could really put myself in the shoes of the speaker. Keep writing!
Good job evoking such feelings in a short story!
Working in the ER, makes this story all too real. Well done!
I enjoyed the style of the writing and this would be something I would read. It was very descriptive and I could see myself reading more from this author.
Tiffany…..You have a promising writing careen ahead of you…never stop writing and follow you dreams.
Lisa
PS
You left me wanting more……
I cried, Tiffany!!! Beautiful awesome story that gave me goosebumps. Excellent writing.
Very…..Very….Good.
Wow, I got chills at the end! Nice job!
FABULOUS!!!! Made me want more.
This is really really good. I could see the accident.
Beautiful! Love the pic too
I want more!!!
I loved this story! It was very well written and really kept my interest! I didn’t want it to end!
Tiff,
Unbelievable… You are truely turning into an amazing writer.
This brought tears to my eyes and goosebumps to my arms. Of course, knowing the power of those prayer bracelets adds to it!
Very nice Tiff!
This is absolutely amazing! The words make you feel the author’s emotions just as she feels them. I still have goosebumps!! Kudos!!
I think you did a wonderful job on this short story, Tiffany. It was heartwrenching and beautiful.
This is amazing. I’m hooked and want to read more with just these few words I’ve read already!!
Tiffany – that was wonderful. Please keep writing! Connie Sharp
Tiffany, I wasn’t entirely sure where this was going. I knew the MC was in grief, but other than that the end took me by surprise. I am a cynic’s cynic, but I bought this. Well done and keep it going!
Awesome! I was pulled in immediately! I want to read more!
Wow, this story sure brings about a lot of emotion. One of my worst fears is losing a loved one in a car accident. I was truly pulled along by each word and phrase feeling both the environment and the emotions of the character and needing to find out what had destroyed her Christmas’ forever.
Very nice job Tiffany.
I absolutely loved it- I want it to be a novel!!!
Love the picture, love the bracelet, love the story. I was choked up with tears by the end. Make it a novel!
Wow! Tiffany you are such a talented writer. So few words stirred such great emotion!
Beautiful, emotional, and leaves you wanting more. The definition of a perfect story…
Wow, awesome short story Tiffany. Your writing flows very well and the emotions poured through. Great writing!
That gave me goose bumps! Beautiful, Tiffany, just beautiful…
Tiffany,
You are such a gifted writer. The story provokes such deep emotion. It is every woman’s worst nightmare.
Debra
Great job Tiffany. Extremely descriptive and engaging. I as well, along with the many others, got goosebumps.
You said a lot with a few words. Great story.
Absolutely amazing!!!! I got goosebumbs, tears, the whole nine yards!!!! Can’t wait to read your next one.
Tiff,
This was fabulous! Very intense and captivating! I could have read on forever! I loved it!!!
You know how I feel about this story. You made me cry a bajillion times, even as I was critting it. You are such a talented writer. I’m glad I’ll be able to say I knew you one after you are published
Love you and good luck sweetie!
A very haunting story that sticks with you. Great stuff!
Awesome….just awesome.
So amazing, so touching. This was a very well written and well crafted story. Congrats!
I want to get to know this character more deeply and I want to know more of what’s going on in her mind.
Love this premise, too.
Wow! That brought goosebumps! This would be a great book!!
Absolutely loved it! Great job!
This is an engaging and emotional piece of flash fiction. Great job, Tiffany!
Very nice, I wish there was more!
Cool story! Eerie, the way I like ‘em.
Nice job, Tiffany.
Tiffany- it is so much fun to see someone that loves writing so much!! You are very talented!!
This is a beautiful story and left me wanting more. Great job!
Great job, Tiffany. Lots of emotion and so sad, but like the ray of hope at the end.
Well now, that was a surprise ending! Well done! Nice suspense and build-up of tension. Loved the mystery of it.
Very nice – love the rhythm of the varied sentence structure especially!
Good work, I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Very well done. I really enjoyed this piece Tiffany! You are an amazing writer, I especially enjoyed the ending.
Well done, Tiffany! You have written a haunting story full of emotion that keeps a tight grip on the reader the entire way through. I love it! Best of luck!
Loved the story and especially since it is true. I am a reality person. You words are written so well, Tiffany. Good luck to you.
The ending was lovely and touching. I kinda had the feeling the start could be improved though. Somehow the first paragraph didn’t do it for me, especially “the logs in the fireplace crackled as the heat deemed too much on the chunks of wood” seemed a bit clunky.
But I loved the story, don’t get me wrong! Always hard to write anything that makes sense in just 500 words!
OOh! Chilling! I feel so bad for her and wonder how she got it back. Does this mean her entire family was in the car? So many questions! I’d love to read more.
Very well done.
Great job Tiffany!
What a touching story. Your writing is impeccable!! Great job Tiffany!! Please keep me informed on future stories as I am already a fan!
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