Water angel – short contest story
I left my two-year-old son without kissing him good-bye.
“Mama’s running to the store, play with daddy. I’ll be back soon.”
His dark brown eyes pierced the armor guarding my heart—as if we both knew I was lying.
But that was impossible. Mason had a hard enough time stringing together a coherent sentence, let alone comprehending the fact he’d never see his mother again.
Lyle didn’t so much as peel his eyes from the TV, or his lazy ass from the couch. Nothing new there. The last I heard of my husband’s voice?
A grunt.
The irony wasn’t lost on me.
Grabbing my purse and keys from the table, I turned away from the life I never chose.
A clean break.
**
Thud.
Thud.
Thudthudthudthudthud.
Lyle’s rusty Ford pick-up clambered against serrated concrete on the shoulder of highway 101, snapping my eyes open for the millionth time. I rolled the window down further. Hot air caressed my face, pleading with me to give into the exhaustion, in all forms.
Better stop for the night.
Headlights washed over a sign that pointed out the exit ramp, so I eased off the gas. My tired eyes sought the clock as if it held the answer to why I’d driven for 8 hours.
480 minutes spent distracting myself from brown eyes that had the power to disarm me.
28,800 seconds of forcing myself to forget another pair of eyes that had executed my very soul. Green as the creek she drowned in a month ago.
You can run but you can’t hide from that kind of agony. It haunts every crevice of the mind. Impossibly long eyelashes framed gleaming emeralds, her plump lips were always drawn into a smile by the simplest things. Like the butterflies in the field she toddled after, fast as her eleven-month-old legs could carry her.
That’s when it happened.
I thought Lyle had her.
He thought I did.
Our parents and the rest of the family assumed she was with us.
But all along the creek had her.
Clutching her to its chest—holding her tighter than I ever could.
I ground my teeth together, a barricade against the cries that rose in my throat. At first it came out muffled, then the wail of a dying animal filled the cab. The first sound to grace it since I’d pulled out of the driveway. Carbon dioxide exited my mouth in staggered gasps as I turned onto a main road in small-town-somewhere-Ohio.
Newstartnewstartnewstart…
My mantra fueled a twisted optimism. Never again would I deal with the fault Lyle placed on my shoulders. No more thoughts of Mavis, a flaccid angel afloat, with short curls swaying to a beat of their own. Good-bye to my anger toward Mason for distracting me when my baby girl needed me more than he did.
Relief morphed into a shocking clarity that rippled through me like a jet-ski disrupting a small fishing boat. Waves of understanding crashed into my chest, spraying my cheeks—pointing the finger at them had enabled me to avoid the truth.
I killed her.
By failing at motherhood.
A horn blared. My foot lingered between gas and brake—I’d stumbled between worlds for weeks now.
The living.
The dead.
Without a moment’s hesitation I made my choice.
* * * *
Kristen Yard is a stay at home mom, and an aspiring YA author. She’s working toward a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing & Literature. When the toddler allows her to that is…
Do you enjoy reading this contest stories? Have u read the contest story – Wedding blues.
Very powerful! Author was able captivate the audience in a just a few short paragraphs. Made me want to keep reading!
Nice story. So emotionally gripping!
So sad and haunting. Frustration, loss, guilt, blame…a moving piece.
Kristen,
Amazing, gut-wrenching…powerful. Awesome story. Thanks for sharing.
Your writing is beautiful and tragic. The reader goes through the same emotions as your main character when you take us through her painful journey of leaving her familly behind. At first we feel like she is a bad person, but then when we see what she’s been through we can connect with her and feel her pain.
Wonderful job.
Great short story Kristen! Love your descriptions and the inner thoughts of your character. Great job!
I like the story. One of the best I read.
Wow, this story gripped me and it is definitely one any mother can relate to. It can so easily happen to anyone. Wonderful writing, crisp, clear and precise. Great job!!
Wow!! This gave me CHILLS. Great work, Kristen!!
Kristen,
You have a gift of twisting the English language. While reading this passage I was transformed into a woman on the run. Your words took me away from reality, if only for a moment. This is #3 on my list of the best short stories I have read this year.
Three things I have to tell you. . . keep writing, Keep Writing, KEEP WRITING!!!!
Jody Whitaker
@jodywhitaker
This was a very captivating short story. You could feel the mother’s anguish.
This is amazing! I was right there, experiencing the mother’s pain. And that ending….I want to know what happened to her!
Nice job!
Disturbing and loved it!
So personal like overhearing someone’s thougts.
Kept me wanting more.
MKW
This story had potential although it was not well written. Perhaps you need to take more mechanical writing courses in your undergraduate studies.
Incredible story! I feel that it had a clear direction and kept me engaged as the reader.
I have to disagree with the comment above about it not being well written. I loved the style and thought that it was written structurally, grammatically, and full of passion.
It left me wanting more.
Beautiful story that evoked the true emotion of a mother going through the most difficult time in her life.
Well done and written.
Loved the story and wanted to read further into what was going to happen with her life.
Great work. Keep writing.
Beautiful story. I loved every second of it. You are a great writer and you should never stop writing.
Wow. What a powerful story of a mother’s tragic experience. Beautiful words strung together make this capture the reader’s heart.
Disturbingly lovely! Left me wanting more.
Great job Kristen!
This story kept me spellbound and I hated to see it end. Your style is very powerful, Kristen. Keep writing..I’ll be looking forward to buying your books in the near future.
Beautiful story, well written and insightful. I would love to read more!
Great emotion in this story, and I love the ending– the fact that we don’t really know what she chooses is better, I think, than if we had been given an explicit result. Well done!
Kristen, this is the first thing I’ve read of yours and I found it emotionally engaging and realistic. You didn’t seek to give a happy ending, instead you played on the decision of the reader–which worked well considering how good of a job you did pulling the reader into your story in so few words. Outstanding submission and I can’t wait to see more from you.
Powerful!
Well written, you have a deft touch at conveying emotion and subtly feeding in elements of the story. In very few words, you told a full and powerful story. Good work.
How is it that so few words can evoke a novels worth of emotion? You have a true gift, Kris. I am an avid reader, and will look forward to yelling out “This is my cousin!” when purchasing your books sometime in the future. Wow- I have no other words for what I just read. Bravo!
Gripping story. Thanks for sharing.
Rita Lorraine
Your mind is that of a painter. You paint with words. Keep writing.
You could turn it in to a longer piece of text. Keep writing.
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